Addiction, Fantasy & Kink
Sex is a powerful experience and it can take time to learn how to enjoy it in such a way that it doesn't control or overwhelm us. If we can manage our sexual desires in the same way we manage our selves, we can start using sex creatively within our lives and our relationships. Sex therapy can help with the problems that arise and change them into something more positive.
Sex Addiction - The release and euphoria we experience in sex are so powerful that we can feel compelled to repeat again and again sexual experiences that turn us on. That's no bad thing unless the behaviour becomes so compulsive that it pushes other experiences and other people aside. Masturbation, viewing online pornography, or sex with multiple partners are not bad in themselves, but they can become compulsive. Scientific research has yet to establish whether we can become "addicted" to sex in the same way as to drugs or alcohol. However, if you feel that an aspect of your sex life has got out of control, I recommend you come for a consultation to discuss help or referral to specialist services.
Sexual Fantasies - Fantasies are essential to sex. The brain is the most powerful sex organ we have and being turned on mentally is as important as getting a firm erection or becoming well lubricated. However, many people are ashamed of their fantasies and keep them secret from partners. This can be unhealthy for your sex life and your relationship, as you may be excluding a key part of your sexuality. I don't judge the fantasies clients bring, however unusual or outrageous. I encourage them to share and be creative with them, and, when appropriate and safe, to explore them with partners. If you are keeping your fantasies to yourself, then your partner is probably doing the same. You are both likely to be missing out.
Kink - Some sexual behaviours are still regarded as "perversions" or "fetishes" by society, but those who enjoy them more often use the term "kink". The most common of these are BDSM and cross dressing. Many couples enjoy these behaviours occasionally in their sex play while others make them the main focus of sex. Accepting that you are interested in different forms of sexual expression can be difficult. Many think them shameful and if your partner is not comfortable with your kinks this can lead to tension. I don't judge any behaviour that is consensual between adults and I am happy to work with clients and couples who are exploring and coming to terms with kink behaviour in their sex lives.
I am always happy to discuss without obligation how I work and how I might be able to help. You might also find the following pages helpful:
- The New Sex & Couples Therapy
- Sex, Relationships & Growth
- Male Sexual Problems
- Female Sexual Problems
Whatever the issue that you want to address, the most important step is to call a therapist to talk about it.